I use this to clean.

Yeah, I know, there really can’t be much said about showering in general, or even specifically, without venturing startling close to the realms of pornography, but my only other idea for a post was about the Fat Cat pub down the road, and I’m not properly dressed to go take pictures of it, so that’ll have to wait till tomorrow, sorry.

I think the simplest place to start would be to explain how my rather unique shower works. Or maybe it’s not the unique, and there are complicated showers the country over. I just know mine is a bugger. A real ‘I really really don’t feel like spewing water at you today, thanksverymuch’ way. Incidentally, I’m mainly doing this post because Stephen Fry was yammering on about columnists on his podcast (or ‘podgram’ as he calls it) which I happened to be listening to at the gymn today. Don’t ask me how this led to showers, because I don’t really know, it just did.

So, back to my shower. To get it started is a feat in itself, starting with turning on the boiler 30 minutes before I want to clean (I’m a student and therefore a cheap bastard), then, once I enter the bathroom, I have to pull a string to turn on the shower unit itself. From there, I turn on the stream, leave it for about 5 minutes to heat up, and I’ve got a shower going.

The problem from there is turning the heat knob like a safe cracker, trying desperately to tread the line between icy cold and scalding hot. I really don’t know why they bother having numbers on there; just three settings would have sufficed. It would almost be simpler to run a bath. At least then I’ve got two taps to fiddle with to create the perfect temperature.

Just a note on showers; how the hell do people have 30 minute showers? I don’t really understand it. You get in, you get wet, you lather up, you wash it off, you turn off the shower. What else is there to it? You don’t get to soak like you do in a bath, so I won’t take that as an excuse. At most you could spend a little extra time wasting showergel as well as washing your hair, but when I’ve got perfectly good soap in my hair I’ll use it on the rest of my body, thankyaverymuch.

This is all starting to read like a bad stand up comedy act, so I’m going to end it there. I’m sure my low down on the Fat Cat tomorrow will be much more coherent and intelligently laid out, although I can’t guarantee anything. If you managed to read this far, nice job.


About Phill Cameron

I've graduated, had a look at the world, and spat. Now I'm devoting my time to moving from 3/4 of a games journalist to 9/10ths. I figure I can get away with 9/10ths.
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4 Responses to Showering

  1. Seniath says:

    On the topic of 30 minute showers; if the jet of your shower is powerful enough, they make for great stress relief if you just stand there with it pointing at your back. Plus, I find showers a good place to think.

  2. Joe says:

    You posted a picture of our shower online!? If you start doing things like that next year I’m gonna get a restraining order on you.

  3. Claribel says:

    Joe, people are hardly going to be able to identify your shower from that photo! Worry not. Besides who is going to come looking for a shower that fails to deliver the special stress relief Seniath experiences?

  4. Pingback: Cyclical Rain « The Poisoned Sponge

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