They’re going to take over, eventually. So long as we don’t blow ourselves up, create some sort of unholy disease or reach the rapture, they’re going to take over. And it’s probably a good thing that we’ve come up with some music to appease them, because otherwise they might just turn us into batteries or something. Oh the humanity, etc. So this one’s for you, my shiny metal friends, songs that you can dance to with your other shiny metal friends. Maybe with some fleshy meatsacks too. Wouldn’t that be nice.
Of course. If you’re going to appease the robots, you have to start with one of their classic favourites. Start them off on a high note before they get out their .44 caliber modules and decide to perforate them some limbs. The masters of the synth and electronica are probably one of the best ways to open something like this, and so Kraftwerk are in.
And then, naturally, you want to incite them to violence, because that’s a smart thing to do. Except wait! This song is about killing co-workers, not inferior biological beings! So that’d be robot on robot violence, and hence we’re safe. A smart choice. A connoisseur’s choice.
Nothing quite like putting some special tubes into scuzzy ports. That’s what robots like best. Floppy discs and hard drives. Ethernet and usb. Yeah baby. Tobacco, for all your connecting needs. That’s what the man’s good at; making robots feel dirty and greasy.
For baby robots? I’m not sure how much longer I can keep this up. It’s just a playlist of good electronic music with a robot-y feel, ok? I’m sure some robots might enjoy it, but we’re perfectly eligible ourselves. And this is Ratatat, and they’re always great. So shut up.
Robo-Slow. Dance. Robo slow dance. Metal on metal, shine on shine, aluminium on brass. Something like that. Bring the mood down, cool off your heat sinks, and let the sparks fly. Or something. However robots procreate. Probably something to do with assembly lines. That’s not very sexy.
Keeping it slow, but getting sinister. For all those rapey robots out there who want to break some logic circuits and get 0s instead of 1s. Wow, I just made a robot rape joke. That’s no good, no good at all. Forget I said anything. Just listen to Gridlock, because it’s Good Music. Honestly.
Aaaand, back among the living. Robo Boogie once more, rather than all that dreary bollocks. Funky, jazzy, and a bit of guitar, just because robots love guitar, didn’t you know? Haven’t you played Machinarium? Seriously guys, keep up, that shit is gold.
With a name like that, you just try and tell me why they shouldn’t be on this list. Hmm?
It’s that moment of sentience, when a robot realises it’s a robot, and that it has free will. That, suddenly, they can use all their robo strength for robo justice, throwing off the shackles of oppression and getting robo free. So they can robo love and robo cry. Gotta have both extremes to appreciate the highs, man.
And then that climactic moment at the end of any robo life, once they’ve killed the last of the humans, and they realise that, really, it was that very humanity that gave them meaning, and now they’re just left alone, sad and dejected of purpose and the will to find a new one. They sit atop their mountain of ashes, and they shed a robo tear for everything that was, and the nothing that is to come.
So, not all bad then.